1 tin Camp Pie
1 bottle organic Chardonnay
½ bottle Vegemite
Open Camp Pie and sniff ingredients. Recall your lost childhood, and how great your family was. Pray that your new family won’t make any of the mistakes your parents made (even though you will). Set Camp Pie aside.
Travel to a beautiful vineyard somewhere. It doesn’t matter where, so long as it is run by Labour voting lawyers and Green voting doctors (or their wives). Marvel at the landscape and imagine how wonderful it will be once the local art museum is built by some feted architect using local materials with postmodern quotations of Indigenous geology. Drink up – but be responsible.
Open the bottle of Vegemite and stick your finger in it. Marvel to the fact that the black sludge is still clung to as a sign of Australian identity. (If Vegemite is not available, just stick your finger in your bum.)
Feel free to share this with your friends and family.